Good Morning Sunday :)

This one's gonna be a proper post. I promise. :) The posts before this were just posted to express how I really felt, I couldn't get them into words because what I felt was just too deep. Haha! I'm only 15 and I'm already feeling things. Imagine what it would be when I'm 20? I think I have a high chance of becoming someone really psychotic nieeee. . . :P

Happy Sunday everyone! =)

I have to say the truth that right after PMR, everything in my life just went terribly wrong. As if I have nothing to look forward to and I couldn't get back on track. Training was just hell and of course my performance sucked so badly that it was a wake up call for me. Every morning was hell. I had to drag myself up every morning to go to school cos I know, school's just hell for these past few weeks. The school planned some good activities for us, at least they 'sound' good but they failed to carry those plans out the right way. It all just went so wrong and we, the students, had to bear with angry teachers, not to mention them pushing us here and there. I'd rather go through PMR once more than having to deal with them, and I'm saying this straight from my heart. I'm not mentioning any names, but majority of the students just dislike this oneeeeeee teacher cos of her attitude. *sigh* Everything's just so right when it comes to what she says, even though its obviously wrong! And the school IS TERRIBLE in managing their own schedules. All the activities clashed with each other. For instance, they want us to practice our marching formations because we only have like what, less than 5 days to practice? BUT! They didn't even provide us the time to practice! And they expect us to do well. I'll never hire these kind of people when I'm on top one day. I'm seriously pissed. I love my school, but I loathe how the school manages us , the students. I am pissed. This is why I am so fatigue everyday, I can't even do well in my training becos of this SHIT. Emo moment number 1.

Emo moment number 2. I've made so many mistakes this yeaarrrr! After letting go of my other half *sort of*, troubles just couldn't seem to stop coming! I know. . . I know. . . It's just not the right thing when you guys see it in your way, but as for me, it was the right, 'betul', and 'tepat' thing to do. Okay. That's when I thought my problem was solved. Then I got into another one, I have no idea why do I have to always get stuck into people's business. I didn't mean to, it's just my luck! Damn it. Maybe God just didn't want me to let go of my 'other half' just yet. Whatever that was. And yes I got into a big trouble and I was emotionally and mentally disturbed. Everything just got to me and I told myself, "What is this? I don't deserve to be treated like this."That's when I learned how to let go and find another happiness. Another happiness which meant one. . . I do not know how 4 came and THAT wasn't happiness. They're all a mistake! I turned them into a mistake and right now, I do not know how am I supposed to handle all of this. I am so sorry. I do not know which is the right one at the moment. All's just so wrong. =(

Emo moment number 3. I'm not feeling my training. I feel so fat. I feel so heavy and I don't feel like a runner. I feel like a pig. I feel like a hippo. I have fat thighs and I do NOT know how to get rid of them. I'm officially on a diet and trying to lose weight till I finally reach 48kgs. My main aim was 50, but I was like, "hey what the hell, let's do it this time." But diet is just hell. It's as tough as hell. Cos I'm not good in it. I'm just a girl, a normal girl. And a normal girl tends to break all the diet rules and it hurts. Hurts so terribly. But it hurts more to be fat. *sigh* 48 48 48 48 48 48 48 48 48 48!

Done with the emo moment.
Let's begin with the happy moment. Which I only have one.

"Dengan ini, saya merasmikan bahawa. . . . ."
" ARIZAN ARIFFIN GADAIT, nama anda telah muncul dalam blog saya!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Budu.

I really do not have a happy moment in my life right now. I'm just so effin' stressed and diarist, ko ja la harapan bangsa dan negara! haha! It's like when there's 5 people textin' me at one time, sometimes I only replied yours, because, I was forced to promise! HAHAHAHA! No bah, it's because you're not like them, you're just different ni. Haihhhh. I don't have to think so much, all I have to do is answer your questions, which is pretty easy because they're all about running and I don't have to dig deep inside my heart to find the answer. Hahaha, ko faham ka ni diarist? You and your jokes, HAHAHA! Eeeee gila la ko ni diarist, only with you ja I can be like this. Bah, our Sunday routine officially began today ah, next week 3 rounds! I went for a run with him tadi, hahahahaha, ni la ni, bahagia oh diarist sama diary kan? HAHAHAHA! Haihhh this is my happy moment. Sama si Arizan yang memang boleh diharap la if you wanna release stress. He'll lend his shoulder without him himself knowing it. Hebat kan? Haha! Ui, parents kita berkenal pula kan? hahahahahahahahaha~

This is gonna be a very long month. *sigh*

Pictures during some prefectorial thingy at the beach. =)

ANNE MORROW LINDBERGH

"Him that I love, I wish to be free -- even from me."

C.S LEWIS

"Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone."

Roy Croft

"I love you
Not only for what you are
But for what I am
When I am with you."



Still on stress mode.
Still on waiting mode.
Still on blurr mode.
But diet mode: ON!
48 48 48!!

sighhhhh.